My Best Friend's ExBy: Quinn & Meghan Quinn
“Just stick it in. Stop stalling and get it over with.”
“Emma, it’s not going to go in itself.”
I twist my hands in front of me and say, “Maybe it will.”
Logan gives me a pointed look. “Catheters don’t insert themselves. Just do it.”
“But,” I bite the inside of my cheek and look behind me at Mr. Freeland, “it’s so wrinkly.”
Logan runs his hand over his face and exhales. “He’s old. It’s not the first ancient dick you’ve seen.”
I swallow hard and lean forward. “It’s the first ancient dick I’ve seen wearing a turtleneck.”
“A turtle—” Logan, my best guy friend and fellow nursing student pauses and tilts his head. “He’s not circumcised?”
“No. And I’m not sure how to handle it. Do I just go in there, pull the turtleneck down, and resume business?”
“I think so.” Logan thinks about it for a second and says, “Should I ask Dr. Thompkins?”
“No,” I say quickly. “We don’t want him judging us on our inability to handle a wrinkly old penis with a flap. We can do this.”
“Why do you keep saying words like we and us? This is your patient; you’ve been assigned to him. There is no we or us in this scenario.”
I cross my arms over my chest and stare at my friend. “There was no we and us when little eight-year-old Donovan came in with a nail sticking out of his kneecap. And when you couldn’t stop dry heaving, I stepped in.”
“That was different. It was a nail in a kneecap. Nails should never be stuck in kneecaps,” he stresses. “This is just an old man’s dick. You’ve done this a million times. You’re just being lazy.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “Lazy? You’re calling me lazy?”
He cringes. “Bad choice of words. Not lazy per say more . . .” he thinks for a second and then shakes his head. “No, you’re being lazy. What are you going to do when we aren’t working together anymore? Ask someone else to play with the turtleneck?”
Logan and I have known each other since our first year in nursing school. Both wide-eyed and scared shitless from the amount of crap we had to clean during our first clinical, we stuck together. Now we’re in our fourth year, just around the corner from graduating, he’s still by my side, but now he’s no longer helping me, but pushing me to be better. He’s been quite aggressive in his approach this year and I know it’s because when we graduate, we’ll most likely go our separate ways.
“Today isn’t a good day for me.” I pause and twist my long brown hair between my fingers.
“Yeah, why’s that?” There is a smirk on his lips. He’s calling my bullshit.
“Uh, period.” I nod my head, liking this idea. “Yeah. Got the period. Not only do I shed my uterine walls during this three to five day stint of living hell, but I also become very unpredictable. You never know what I’ll end up doing.” I clasp my index finger and thumb together and start making jabby motions. “See, very unpredictable.”
With his giant man-fist, Logan palms my hand, halting all jabbing. “First of all, don’t try to scare me with your shedding uterus. You fail to remember I had to assist a doctor in removing a double-tampon pileup from Vagina Veronica my second year. I’ve been conditioned by the female menstruation since then. And second of all, do you really think your little erratic jabs will deter me? I kick-box for a hobby against men two times your size.”
Damn it, I forgot both those things.
I cross my arms over my chest and look him up and down. “You’re annoying, you know that?”
“Just looking out for my girl. Now, go in there, say hi to Mr. Freeland, and get the job done.”
Huffing out my frustration, I walk toward Mr. Freeland’s room just as my phone rings. “Oh, I have to get that,” I say rather desperately, appreciating the surprise distraction.
“You don’t have to—”
I hold up my finger. “Uh I’m on the phone.” I catch his smirk as I turn around and answer the call. “Hello?”