The V GirlBy: Mya Robarts
In the barely lit room, there are only some gym mattresses and a couple of mirrors. I’ve set the mirrors so I can watch myself losing the V of my nickname.
My “one-hour stand” climbs onto the mattresses and touches my naked, trembling body. His breathing becomes ragged; his eyes are dark.
I never imagined my first time would be like this. In my imagination, when I had my first time, I would be in love.
I always thought I would only allow myself to be with someone in that way if I really, really loved that person. He would also be unconditionally in love with me. He would be someone who would look at me as though I was his sun.
I wanted to lose my virginity to someone who adores me. Preferably someone who would have said the five magic words: “Lila, will you marry me?” I wanted to have sex for the first time with someone I’d consider worthy enough to spend the rest of my life with. If I only had more time. Eighteen is too young in my book to have met the person to whom I’d want to commit my life.
I wish this occasion could have been a romantic spur of the moment situation. One thing leading to other in a natural manner and then ... I wouldn’t be a V-girl anymore.
That would have been an ideal situation. But I don’t live in an ideal world; I live in a world defined by a civil war.
My deflowering can’t be romantic or spontaneous. I’ve been preparing my first sexual encounter since I heard the troops were on their way to Starville.
I don’t love my sexual partner. He doesn’t love me, either. But it has to be him, or it’s going to be a random guy from the troops … through force.
My “lover” hesitates for a moment. I feel his weight pressing me to the mattress. His body tenses. I wait for him to make the next move, but I’m afraid he has changed his mind.
21st Year of the Civil War
Involved parties: Patriot Army, Nationalist Army
Number of Nationalist States of America casualties: 12,954,988
Number of Patriot States of America casualties: 3,859,895
“Copulation without conversation does not constitute fraternization.”
Saying among Allied troops during WW2
As I ride the train back home in an open wagon through the abandoned razed cities, I think about the Patriot troops and their horrible history of sexual abuse. A history that includes victims like my mother.
I might become one of their victims soon.
My first time can’t involve sexual assault. I won’t have a gigantic, sweaty, smelly soldier enjoying every scream of pain and every tear while shouting obscenities at me.
I can’t bear the thought.
The Patriot leaders have announced the 03631 regiment’s visit to Starville. They will come to perform the recruitment ceremony.
It’s not easy to be a V-girl during times of war in a country where rape and sexual slavery are legal. As long as Patriots consider it a contribution to their war efforts they can take anyone … in any way they want. Soldiers think having intercourse with a V-girl cures them from deadly STDs. The recruitment ceremony is supposed to set some boundaries: It’s not rape. It’s the army recruiting “enlisters.” I need to lose my innocence before it can be taken away from me by force.
They won’t force my first time on me. I’ll give myself to Rey, pretending we are in love. It can only be today. We’ll be alone for some time in the secret training place of our rebellious gang. After tomorrow, we might not even have a place to make love. Not even a mattress.
My supervisor has let me out early today because I’ve been working extra hours. Sitting on the wagon’s floor around me are a dozen Starvillers who, like me, are trying to make their way home after work.
Most Starvillers are forced to work in local factories without payment. A few lucky ones have a paid job in Shiloh, a neighboring Nationalist city occupied by Patriots. As more small cities get annihilated, the wagons get emptier.